Matt Of All Trades

This turtle crashed through the windshield of a car in  Florida. A woman was injured, but the turtle only suffered a scratched shell. We all hate it when something flies up on the highway and dings or cracks our windshields. It's even scarier if you're unlucky enough to have something crash through the window as you're driving.    And the thought of that object crashing through the windshield being a turtle is just absurd.  But that's exactly what happened in Florida recently.  Because, as we all know, weird news always gets generated from Florida.  According to the Daytona News Journal, describing the incident on Interstate 95 in Port Orange, Florida: "The 71-year-old woman, a passenger in the vehicle, suffered a half-inch to an inch cut above one of her eyes but did not lose consciousness Port Orange police spokesman Officer Andre Fleming said late Wednesday." Authorities said the woman is going to be fine. Speculation is another car hit the turtle, laun...

Sad faced Larry Kudlow says Biden will force us to drink plant-based beer. .Who wants to tell Larry beer has always  been plant based.  Donald Trump's goofy former economics advisor Larry Kudlow was in yet another panic on Fox News the other day.  Apparently, Kudlow is trembling in his Tom Ford loafers because the Green New Deal, and by extension, President Biden's climate change policies, will force us all to drink only plant based beer!  The horror! Beer is currently made out of hops, grain and yeast --- oh right! Hops and grains are plants! The evil Green New Deal has already changed, um, nothing about beer.  Who wants to tell Kudlow the news? Never mind that the Green New Deal doesn't tell us how much meat we can or cannot consume. Biden's climate policy makes no mention of how much meat consumption Americans will be allowed. But, the ever fearful Kudlow still wants to rile the ever-fearful Trump base. His rant: "America has to, get this, America has to stop...

Ben Shapiro, proud of his, um, wood, outside a  Home Depot in his mocked viral video.   Ben Shapiro bought a little piece of wood at Home Depot.   This sounds like a who cares sentence, but leave it to Shapiro to make this into another farce.  Shapiro, for those who don't know him, is a young, hapless conservative pundit who is expert at self-owns and non-sensical, "helpful" suggestions.  A classic example: He once gave this simple, elegant solution to people who will eventually have their homes flooded by rising sea levels brought on by climate change.  Shapiro sees this as no problem at all.  The flooded homeowners can just sell their property and move.  Sell to who? Aquaman? Anyway, Shapiro is pissed off these days because several large Georgia-based corporations, like Delta and Coca Cola, object to Georgia's new voter suppression laws. Everybody knows the laws are meant to get rid of black voters to keep the GOP in various offices. (It n...

This burglar would soon meet his match  Viral home surveillance video is out showing a break-in at a Pasadena, California house, but two Good Samaritans thwarted the would-be thief.   The video, which you can see below, shows the burglar stopping at a fountain around an outdoor patio before entering the house to start sniffing around.  That didn't last long as two security agents chased the suspect from the house.  These aren't all the usual suspects and heroes, however. Here's the vid:

Ted Nugent: In the running for stupidest person of 2021? UPDATE: Though I hate to cheer when people get sick, it does look like Karma has hit our buddy Ted Nugent. After pretty much denying that Covid even exists for the past year, guess what? Nugent has Covid. "I have had flu symptoms for the last ten days.  I thought I was dying. Just a clusterfuck....I was tested positive today.  I've got the Chinese shit." Ever the poet, even in illness, is he? Despite his illness, he's still apparently against the Covid vaccine because, as he falsely says, "Nobody knows what's in it." Well, we don't know what's in that brain of yours, either.  PREVIOUS DISCUSSION I know I'm a bit of a bully but I just love picking on some dumb people.   Not every dumb person.  Hell, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the shed, which is how I like to mangle that expression.   Nevertheless, I still like to take the hot air out of the blowhard variety of stupid person, so ...

One of the worst Congress creatures in the U.S. is  even hated by his own siblings.  Arizona Republican Congressman Paul Gosar might be kind of popular with the Trumpian, frankly rather wacko wing of the party, but it's pretty certain many of his relatives won't help him with any re-election campaign.   I've seen ambivalent family members of politicians before.  But this family is downright hostile. In my opinion, pretty justifiably.   Gosar helped spread false conspiracy theories about the November, 2020 election and was one of the main organizers of the January 6 "Stop The Steal" rally that turned into the insurrection at the Capital. He also recently skipped voting on the $1.9 trillion Covid relief bill so he could attend an extreme right wing political event that was organized by white nationalist Nick Fuentes. Gosar's siblings are unimpressed. So unimpressed that they put out a video condemning their brother.  "He should have criminal conseq...

A guy in New Mexico recently discovered that he had unwittingly turned into an Uber for 15,000 bees.  Happens to us all the time, right?   You go to the grocery store, leave the window cracked open on a toasty day, come back out, load the groceries and suddenly you find the car is filled with 15,000 bees. Wait, what? This, at least, is what happened to a Las Cruces, New Mexico man .   Only after the man left the local Albertson's and was tooling serenely down the road when he discovered the bees. At that point, the man did the only sensible thing: He dove out of the car in the middle of traffic. According to the Las Cruces Fire Department, firefighters arrived to find a swarm of bees inside the vehicle. In the end, the motorist, the fire department and the bees came through the ordeal fairly well. On their Facebook page, the department said they don't normally remove bees, but they wanted to mitigate the "mid-afternoon hazard the large swarm presented in a relativel...