Matt Of All Trades

This dude robbed a bank in Delaware, then tried to deposit his loot in the ATM outside the  bank. Surprise! It didn't work.  Say you decide to rob a bank, and you manage to make it out the door with the cash without being shot, arrested or beat up. Then what do you do?   Well, you have to put the money somewhere, right? Personally, I'd hide it somewhere - bury it perhaps? - until the heat was off a little bit, but what do I know? I wouldn't do what this genius did when he robbed a Wilmington, Delaware, as Delaware State Police inform us:  He got the money from a teller, and police pick up the story from there: "The suspect fled the bank on foot, and once outside he made a deposit in the ATM on the exterior of the building. The suspect then continued to flee the scene behind the Prices Corners Shopping Center where he was located by responding troopers and taken into custody without incident." The dude police arrested, McRobert Williams, was charged with felony s...

Alpacas are cute, and the Vermont farms they live on are lovely, except in instances where the farms are acquired through pandemic loan fraud, as prosecutors allege in  one Vermont case. The Federal Paycheck Protection Program was meant to keep businesses afloat during the pandemic as a way to preserve employment through the crisis.   It program was a big help, and it saved a lot of butts. However, as with everything else, there are a few cheaters involved, and now prosecutors are starting to poke around nabbing people who benefitted illegally. Among the people caught in this net is somebody who allegedly cheated to get this money in what I consider an only-in-Vermont way. He used the money to buy alpacas. Anyway, that's what prosecutors are saying about Dana McIntyre, 57, of Grafton, Vermont. He's charged with wire fraud and money laundering because he's alleged to have used some of the PPP money to buy alpacas for a farm in Vermont.  He was supposed to use the mon...

This turtle crashed through the windshield of a car in  Florida. A woman was injured, but the turtle only suffered a scratched shell. We all hate it when something flies up on the highway and dings or cracks our windshields. It's even scarier if you're unlucky enough to have something crash through the window as you're driving.    And the thought of that object crashing through the windshield being a turtle is just absurd.  But that's exactly what happened in Florida recently.  Because, as we all know, weird news always gets generated from Florida.  According to the Daytona News Journal, describing the incident on Interstate 95 in Port Orange, Florida: "The 71-year-old woman, a passenger in the vehicle, suffered a half-inch to an inch cut above one of her eyes but did not lose consciousness Port Orange police spokesman Officer Andre Fleming said late Wednesday." Authorities said the woman is going to be fine. Speculation is another car hit the turtle, laun...

A guy in New Mexico recently discovered that he had unwittingly turned into an Uber for 15,000 bees.  Happens to us all the time, right?   You go to the grocery store, leave the window cracked open on a toasty day, come back out, load the groceries and suddenly you find the car is filled with 15,000 bees. Wait, what? This, at least, is what happened to a Las Cruces, New Mexico man .   Only after the man left the local Albertson's and was tooling serenely down the road when he discovered the bees. At that point, the man did the only sensible thing: He dove out of the car in the middle of traffic. According to the Las Cruces Fire Department, firefighters arrived to find a swarm of bees inside the vehicle. In the end, the motorist, the fire department and the bees came through the ordeal fairly well. On their Facebook page, the department said they don't normally remove bees, but they wanted to mitigate the "mid-afternoon hazard the large swarm presented in a relativel...

Ravens have been committing robberies outside an Anchorage, Alaska Costco. Shoppers at a Costco in Anchorage, Alaska say they are being robbed in the parking lot of the big store.  According to the Anchorage Daily News: "Marnie Jones and her husband made it all the way home from the South Anchorage Costco before they realized they'd been robbed  'We had a four-pack of filet mignon steak,' Jones said. 'It was on the bottom of the car, and he was pushing it through the bumpy snow.'"  It fell out of the cart, and was on the ground for a few minutes. Without paying attention, Jones' husband picked up the package and put it in the car. When they got home, the realized one of the four steaks was gone.  The thief was so stealth, so brazen the couple didn't realize who had stolen it at first.  Jones said it later occurred to them who had stolen one of the steaks. "He said, 'Oh my God, after I picked up that pack of steaks, I saw a raven in the pa...

A crystal ball, seen in the middle of the photo is this fire- ravaged room, set the blaze by focusing sunlight from a  window onto a small point on the couch, setting it ablaze  OK, I have to dispense with the joke right away, since it's so obvious.   A crystal ball started a fire that wrecked a house in Wisconsin.  But whoever owned the crystal ball should have seen it coming. Ba dum, dum!  I'm sure the owners of the house do NOT like me joking about it, because in reality, it's awful when somebody's house burns down. I only dare joke because I know nobody was killed or injured in the blaze. According to the Delton, Wisconsin Fire Department, via a Facebook post: "An investigation determined the fire started on a couch in the living room and the cause of the fire was determined to be from a glass 'crystal ball' ornament. The crystal ball had been located on a table near the couch and in direct sunlight. When sunshine came through a large set of windows and...

That wooden box with the red button was Donald Trump's Emergency Diet Coke Button on his desk in the  Oval Office. Joe Biden got rid of it  When Joe Biden moved into the White House, and in particular the Oval Office last week, he did a little redecorating.   The carpets were changed, displays with busts of historic figures were rearranged, and there was one major change on the Oval Office desk.  The Emergency Diet Coke button disappeared.   Yes, there was an Emergency Diet Coke Button on the Oval Office desk during the Trump administration. Trump would press the red button and instantly, a butler would arrive with a Diet Coke on a silver platter.  Trump reported drinks something like a dozen Diet Cokes a day.  If he drinks them to lose weight, it's plainly not working, but that's another story.  Photos this week show Biden hard at work at this desk, and said desk is now missing the Emergency Diet Coke Button.  One of the photos showed t...