Ben Shapiro Gets Off With His Wood

Ben Shapiro, proud of his, um, wood, outside a 
Home Depot in his mocked viral video. 

 Ben Shapiro bought a little piece of wood at Home Depot. 

This sounds like a who cares sentence, but leave it to Shapiro to make this into another farce. 

Shapiro, for those who don't know him, is a young, hapless conservative pundit who is expert at self-owns and non-sensical, "helpful" suggestions. 

A classic example: He once gave this simple, elegant solution to people who will eventually have their homes flooded by rising sea levels brought on by climate change. 

Shapiro sees this as no problem at all.  The flooded homeowners can just sell their property and move.  Sell to who? Aquaman?

Anyway, Shapiro is pissed off these days because several large Georgia-based corporations, like Delta and Coca Cola, object to Georgia's new voter suppression laws. Everybody knows the laws are meant to get rid of black voters to keep the GOP in various offices. (It never seemed to have occurred to Republicans that many BIPOC might be open to sensible, conservative proposals, but oh well).

Home Depot, also based in Georgia, has so far not weighed in on the Georgia voting law.  Which pleases the hell out of Shapiro, it seems. 

He made a video of himself standing outside a Home Depot. In one hand, he clutches a board that looks to be about 18 inches long, with a flimsy plastic Home Depot bag clinging to the bottom of it.  In his other hand, he holds what is probably a receipt for the board. 

"This wood, this board, this magnificent piece of poplar, is now mine," Shapiro crowed. 

And why is he so proud of this purchase? Well, as noted, Home Depot executives haven't really given us their opinion on Georgia's voting laws. Which of course is fine. Everybody has the right to comment, or not comment, on anything. 

But to Shapiro, a company not commenting on voter suppression laws is a victory of corporate bravery. Or something. So he wants everybody to shop at Home Depot.  

If he wants to support Home Depot financially, a cheap piece of poplar isn't going to do it. (Not that I have an opinion here, but at least I bought an entire lawn mower from Home Depot last year)

So Shapiro got what he deserved on Twitter. 

Can you imagine this character in the store: 

Shapiro: "Hello, I would like one wood please." 

Clerk: Um, okay. Poplar?

Shapiro: "With the ladies? Not really."

Credit @KeithAshline and @dilatediogenes for that one.  

A few other people said that Shapiro's wife will be happy to see actual wood.

The Lincoln Project on Twitter asked people what they think Shapiro would do with his piece of wood. 

One person said the short statured Shapiro would make it into a shelf and sit on it. A lot of other people said he'd turn it into a paddle and do something naughty to himself with it. 

Maybe Shapiro will give it to the Republican National Committee so they'll finally have a real plank instead of the wackadoodle ideas they've put out since Trump came and went. 

Who knows, maybe Shapiro is smarter than we think. There's a global shortage of lumber, and prices for this material is skyrocketing. 

Maybe Shapiro's little piece of poplar is an investment strategy?  Not sure how much money you can make out of a little piece of poplar, but you never know what's going on in Shapiro's head.