The CPAC Clown Car
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| A highlight of this year's CPAC in late February was this, um, unique statue of Donald Trump. |
Bonus: It gets crazier every year. The 2021 version of CPAC proved absolutely stellar.
These conservative politicians and experts tackled the most grave, vexing problems the nation faces, namely a gender neutral Mr. Potato Head and naughty Muppets.
There's a couple of bonus videos of CPAC at the bottom of this post that you'll just have to watch, if you dare.
Aaron Rupar on Twitter who gave us a delightful blow-by-blow account of how CPAC tackled these critical issues. Among the gems he gave us.
"They banned the Muppets!" Donald Trump Jr, boyfriend of loud Kimberly Guilfoyle thundered. (He's apparently been taking voice lessons from her, or something).
First I've heard that. The people behind the Muppets put a few disclaimers on a few episodes for what nowadays are sort of questionable moments.
Junior also got into the Great Mr. Potato Head Crisis of 2021: "Hasbro wants a gender neutral Mr. Potato Head," he gasped. I guess Junior has a proclivity for male potatoes. I know, we shouldn't judge people's sexual kinks.
Speaking of sexual kinks, the ever icky Gym, I mean Rep. Jim Jordan seemed to think the most horrible thing to beset the nation since Biden took over are
"They tried to cancel Kermit the Frog and Mr. Potato Head. You see that? They backed off Mr. Potato Head. I think he told them his preferred pronounces are 'he,his,him.' This is scary where the left wants to go," Jordan whined.
Of course, there were other pressing issues at CPAC, such as what people discuss when they are in diners.
Fox News contributor Pete Hegseth informed us at CPAC that "real" Americans in diners don't discuss the esoteric things those big headed elites discuss. Instead our Real American diner denizens apparently talk incessantly about the Bible, standing up for the national anthem and the 10th Amendment to the Constitution.
I actually had to look up the 10th Amendment, which establishes the power balance between the federal government and states. I don't know which diners Hegseth goes to, but I've never once had any kind of conversation about the 10th Amendment in a diner. Or anywhere else for that matter.
Of course, it wouldn't be CPAC 2021 without some bowing to the Donald Trump, for some reason.
"President Trump from his desk a Mar A Lago will accomplish more for America in the next four years than Joe Biden and Kamala Harris could ever dream of," Kimberly Guilfoyle yelled deafeningly, as she aways does.
Not sure what exactly what The Former Guy is doing to accomplish more for America, since he pretty much sat on his ass and whined during his four years in office, but what do I know? Oh, and Trump was there to give another heapin' helpin' of word salad, but I don't remember what he said. I had more important things to do when he was on, like counting how many vitamin pills I have left.
Also voter suppression was a hit.
One panel didn't like absentee ballots because abusive spouses would make them vote a certain way instead of their own free will. Or - they really said this - the legions of elder abusers in millions of households across the nation will say, "OK grandpa, if you don't vote they way we want, you're not going to get your insulin."
Yes, I'm sure that will happen.
No summary of CPAC is worth it unless we revisit that National Anthem rendition. She could decide which musical key to select, so she picked all of them:
The vote for the most cringe-worthy moment was actually not the National Anthem. It was Roger Stone digging a pro-Trump rap song. Warning: You won't be able to un-see it.
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